Q. Ray,
I am an assistant Scoutmaster and was called out to the Order of the Arrow during our most recent camporee. I have a son who was eligible but was not elected by his troop. I plan to go through my Ordeal weekend. My quandary is this: How do I reconcile participating in fellowship weekends, OA campouts and any number of other OA-exclusive activities while my son sits at home?
A big part of my motivation to participate in Scouting is being present with my son and spending quality time in the outdoors with him and his peers. Like I said, I will do my Ordeal, but I can't see telling my son, 'Dad is going camping with Scouts. You sit home with your video games.' I think that would be bad for my son and make me a poor excuse for a father.
How have others juggled duty to Order and duty to family dilemma?
A. The Order of the Arrow Handbook (at page 35) says that "An Arrowman’s primary responsibility is to the troop or team. It was your fellow Scouts who elected you to membership in the Order and it is to them that you should devote most of your service. ... your first duty as an Arrowman is to continue to expand your service to your unit. The success of the Order in your unit depends mainly on what you do individually. Your example of cheerful service in camp and at unit meetings is the spark that brings the spirit alive!"
While this is directed to youth members, it also applies to those who become Arrowmen as adults. This is not just a maxim for the handbook, or a throwback to the guidance of the founder of the OA, but a real life priority. And, lucky for you, your son is a member of your unit! Many non-members believe that the only way an Arrowman can be productive is go to OA events. This is not so. It’s perfectly fine for a new Arrowman, youth or adult, to focus his service on his unit, and participate in only a few or no lodge events, especially while an Ordeal member. You can make a huge difference in the lives of countless boys in your unit by being a member who encourages the OA in the life of the unit.
In reality many of the most effective adults in the OA are those in the unit that promote youth leadership and make sure that all youth have the ability (arrange a ride, help with fees, etc.) to go to lodge and chapter events. Then during the troop calendar planning making sure that the troop leaves the ability for the youth to go to both troop outings and the OA events by being sure not to schedule troop events in conflict with prepublished lodge or chapter events.
Also, each Scoutmaster may appoint an adviser to the OA troop representative and that is a great way that an adult can serve the OA while being at a troop meeting.
The new OA Unit of Excellence Award and the OA Troop/Team Representative of Excellence themselves both are areas where you can focus your attention until your son is elected.
You can be sure that your OA troop rep gets a chance to speak about the OA program at a troop court of honor. This will help explain the program to the parents AND the prospective youth voters.
Let me give you two practical examples:
One of the longtime advisers in our lodge had a son who was not elected the first time he was eligible, but the parent continued to be active and his son got elected the next year and went on to serve as a lodge officer.
In my own case, I had been elected as a youth member and enjoyed my OA time, immeasurably. But I did not attend any lodge events until my own son was elected, and we went to his first event together. It was a great time and I do not regret keeping my focus on the troop and the troop OA program until he was judged worthy to become a candidate by the youth of our troop.
If your son is elected in a future year, you can give service during his Ordeal, attend his Ordeal Ceremony, and become a Brotherhood member that weekend too.
I hope this helps.
Ray